When Leadership Gets Personal

One of the hardest parts of parish life is relationships. I have discovered something about myself over these past few years that I think is important for me to share with you. I’m gifted at getting through enormous amounts of work each day. I enjoy preaching and speaking to large groups of people. But put a difficult conversation in front of me, particularly one involving conflict or disagreement, and something very different happens. It can drain my emotional energy reserves remarkably quickly.

And yet, this is an unavoidable part of being a parish priest. My responsibility is not simply to manage the parish, keep the wheels turning or get things done. I am called to actively accompany people – including people who are upset, people who sometimes act in ways contrary to the Catholic Christian life, and people who want to do things their own way. Accompaniment doesn’t mean agreeing with someone or avoiding difficult conversations. Sometimes loving people means walking patiently with them while also helping them to see a different way forward. It is especially challenging when relationships become strained between volunteers, when misunderstandings arise, or when people disagree about how something should be done. At times, we struggle to be Christian with one another. And this is one of the reasons our parish leadership structure matters so much.

Our leadership structure is not there to look impressive. Nor is it there to make the parish priest’s life easier. It expresses our belief that God has given each of us unique gifts, skills and talents needed to fulfil Christ’s mission. Indeed, our primary reason for existence is to be a people on mission. We are not a club for the elderly or the initiated. And we don’t exist for the people who already come through our doors. We exist to be sent – Ita missa est – to make new disciples.

That requires a strong, healthy and viable leadership structure in which people are empowered to use the gifts God has given them. And that means something is changing in our parish culture. We are learning that lay people need to learn how to be led by other lay people. This is fundamental to our growth, and culture change takes time. Gone are the days when the parish priest is expected to answer every question, solve every problem or intervene in every disagreement. I confess that this is a burden I struggle with immensely. When someone brings me a problem, my instinct is often to try to fix it. Often, people come to me simply because I am the priest, expecting me to make the problem go away. But that isn’t always healthy – for me, for our leaders, or for the parish.

In particular, when challenges arise between volunteers or within ministries, I sometimes find that people will only accept the authority of the priest rather than the person whom I have entrusted with responsibility in that particular area. Learning to trust one another’s leadership is part of becoming the parish and people God is calling us to be.

None of this means that the priest’s role is disappearing. Quite the opposite. My role is the salvation of souls: to ensure we remain faithful to Christ and His Church, provide spiritual and pastoral leadership, and form and support those entrusted with leadership. But I cannot – and should not – do everything myself.

There is still a lot for us to learn, but I am filled with immense hope. I genuinely believe we are heading in the right direction. The struggles we experience are not necessarily signs that something is going wrong. They are the growing pains of a community learning a new way of being Church. We are learning to recognise our gifts, trust one another, accept leadership from one another, and take responsibility for the mission entrusted to us. This is all part of bringing new life to how we understand ourselves – not just as people who gather, but as disciples who are sent because ultimately, everything we are doing has one purpose: that we might know, love and follow Jesus, so that we can actively accompany others to encounter Him who is the Way, the Truth and the Life (John 14:6).

Peace and blessings – Fr Josh